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Random Funny Quotes
Resource for Random Funny Quotes with Searchable quotes, Sayings by Subject, Authors, quotes screensavers, quotes wallpapers and forum. Continue for our current list of the Random Funny Quotes
Random Funny Quotes
- Never test the depth of the water with both feet.Rating: 5/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off.Rating: 0/5 Author: Ralph Bus Subject: Funny
- A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.Rating: 0/5 Author: Fred Allen Subject: Funny
- I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.Rating: 5/5 Author: Patrick Murray Subject: Funny
- Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from many, it's research.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.Rating: 3/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- You know that old saying, 'Strike while the iron is hot?' Well, I think that's a pretty dumb saying, 'cause I'll betcha a cold iron will hurt like hell, too.Rating: 0/5 Author: Charlie Acord Subject: Funny
- I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.Rating: 3/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- You know you are getting old when you think you should drive the speed limit.Rating: 0/5 Author: E.A. Gilliam Subject: Funny
- What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse'.Rating: 2/5 Author: Francois Morency Subject: Funny
- Before I criticize someone, I walk a mile in their shoes. That way, if they get angry, they are a mile away and barefoot.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.Rating: 5/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- The fact that no one understands you doesn't make you an artist.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- The shortest distance between two points is under construction.Rating: 1/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things i cannot, and a great big bag of money.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- Don't think of death as an ending. Rather, think of it as a really effective way of reducing your expenses.Rating: 3/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- The number-one fear in life is public speaking, and the number-two fear is death. This means that if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than giving the eulogy.Rating: 0/5 Author: Jerry Seinfeld Subject: Funny
- They say hot dogs can kill you. How do you know it's not the bun?Rating: 0/5 Author: Jay Leno Subject: Funny
- K SS MY SS would you like to buy a vowel?Rating: 4/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.Rating: 5/5 Author: Rodney Dangerfield Subject: Funny
- When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad.Rating: 4/5 Author: Helen Hayes Subject: Funny
- The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.Rating: 1/5 Author: Jilly Cooper Subject: Funny
- Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a strangerRating: 4/5 Author: Franklin P. Jones Subject: Funny
- It's funny how dogs and cats know the inside of folks better than other folks do, isn't it?Rating: 0/5 Author: Eleanor H. Porter Subject: Pets
- I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why I always wake up screaming.Rating: 4/5 Author: A. A. Attanasio Subject: Funny
- Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.Rating: 0/5 Author: Robert A. Heinlein Subject: Funny
- What's a geriatric? A german footballer scoring three goalsRating: 0/5 Author: Bob Monkhouse Subject: Funny
- The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think it's their fault.Rating: 0/5 Author: Henry Kissinger Subject: Funny
- The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
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