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Jessica Simpson Funny Quotes

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Jessica Simpson Funny Quotes

• Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off.Rating: 0/5 Author: Ralph Bus Subject: Funny
• Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.Rating: 5/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
• Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.Rating: 0/5 Author: George Burns Subject: Funny
• You know you're old when the candles cost more than the cake.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
• If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
• I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.Rating: 0/5 Author: Bob Monkhouse Subject: Funny
• The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty. Rating: 1/5 Author: Woody Allen Subject: Funny
• Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.Rating: 1/5 Author: Yogi Berra Subject: Funny
• K SS MY SS would you like to buy a vowel?Rating: 4/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
• My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.Rating: 5/5 Author: Rodney Dangerfield Subject: Funny
• You know you are getting old when you think you should drive the speed limit.Rating: 0/5 Author: E.A. Gilliam Subject: Funny
• Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
• For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat and wrong.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
• We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our butt ... then things get worse. Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
• The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
• We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?Rating: 2/5 Author: Jean Cocturan Subject: Funny
• I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.Rating: 5/5 Author: Patrick Murray Subject: Funny
• Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a strangerRating: 4/5 Author: Franklin P. Jones Subject: Funny
• When all else fails. Follow instructions.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
• Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close knit family in another city.Rating: 2/5 Author: George Burns Subject: Funny
• Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
• When I die, I want to die like my grandmother, who died peacefully in her sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in her car.Rating: 1/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
• My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.Rating: 2/5 Author: Rita Rudner Subject: Funny
• I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.Rating: 2/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
• The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.Rating: 3/5 Author: Robert Frost Subject: Funny
• If practice makes perfect, and no one is perfect, why practice?Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
• My feelings for you no words can tell, Except for maybe "Go to hell."Rating: 4/5 Author: A. A. Attanasio Subject: Funny
• Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.Rating: 0/5 Author: Will Rogers Subject: Funny
• Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.Rating: 2/5 Author: Ken Dodd Subject: Funny
• It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.Rating: 4/5 Author: Steven Weinberg Subject: Funny

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