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Funny Fortune Cookie Quotes
Resource for Funny Fortune Cookie Quotes with Searchable quotes, Sayings by Subject, Authors, quotes screensavers, quotes wallpapers and forum. Continue for our current list of the Funny Fortune Cookie Quotes
Funny Fortune Cookie Quotes
- My feelings for you no words can tell, Except for maybe "Go to hell."Rating: 4/5 Author: A. A. Attanasio Subject: Funny
- The shifts of Fortune test the reliability of friends.Rating: 0/5 Author: Marcus Tullius Cicero Subject: Friendship
- We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our butt ... then things get worse. Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...Rating: 0/5 Author: Sir Norman Wisdom Subject: Funny
- Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code...he turned himself in.Rating: 0/5 Author: Rita Rudner Subject: Funny
- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.Rating: 2/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- I was sued by a woman who claimed that she became pregnant because she watched me on television and I bent her contraceptive coil. Rating: 5/5 Author: Uri Geller Subject: Funny
- My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.Rating: 2/5 Author: Rita Rudner Subject: Funny
- A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.Rating: 0/5 Author: Sidney Goff Subject: Funny
- The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.Rating: 1/5 Author: Jilly Cooper Subject: Funny
- I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.Rating: 1/5 Author: Bob Monkhouse Subject: Funny
- Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.Rating: 4/5 Author: Jacques Languirand Subject: Funny
- The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.Rating: 0/5 Author: Tom Clancy Subject: Funny
- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.Rating: 1/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?Rating: 1/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.Rating: 5/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- When you marry your mistress, you create a job vacancy.Rating: 0/5 Author: James Goldsmith Subject: Funny
- A friend is not a true friend unless he protects his brother in three situations: in his misfortune, in his absense, and at his death.Rating: 4/5 Author: Ali ibn-Abi-Talib Subject: Friendship
- Never miss a good chance to shut up.Rating: 5/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things i cannot, and a great big bag of money.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- Be you in what line of life you may, it will be amongst your misfortunes if you have not time properly to attend to pecuniary [monetary] matters. Want of attention to these matters has impeded the progress of science and of genius itself.Rating: 0/5 Author: Anonymous Subject: Money
- The number-one fear in life is public speaking, and the number-two fear is death. This means that if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than giving the eulogy.Rating: 0/5 Author: Jerry Seinfeld Subject: Funny
- Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.Rating: 2/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison.Rating: 0/5 Author: Evelyn Waugh Subject: Funny
- Before I criticize someone, I walk a mile in their shoes. That way, if they get angry, they are a mile away and barefoot.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.Rating: 0/5 Author: Groucho Marx Subject: Funny
- I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- Sure the Grand Canyon may be breathtaking but so is lung cancer.Rating: 4/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!Rating: 5/5 Author: Robert Orben Subject: Funny
- If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
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