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Daniel Tosh Funny Quotes
Resource for Daniel Tosh Funny Quotes with Searchable quotes, Sayings by Subject, Authors, quotes screensavers, quotes wallpapers and forum. Continue for our current list of the Daniel Tosh Funny Quotes
Daniel Tosh Funny Quotes
- When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad.Rating: 4/5 Author: Helen Hayes Subject: Funny
- My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had... so he sent me to a girls school.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.Rating: 0/5 Author: Daniel L. Reardon Subject: Appearance / Attitudes
- Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.Rating: 0/5 Author: Diana Jordan Subject: Funny
- I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny ...'Rating: 0/5 Author: Isaac Asimov Subject: Science
- Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison.Rating: 0/5 Author: Evelyn Waugh Subject: Funny
- I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.Rating: 0/5 Author: Dolly Parton Subject: Funny
- When a ladder was stolen from a store the manager said that further steps would be taken.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.Rating: 1/5 Author: Roseanne Barr Subject: Funny
- Never miss a good chance to shut up.Rating: 5/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.Rating: 4/5 Author: Jacques Languirand Subject: Funny
- If the minimum wasn't acceptable it wouldn't be called the minimum.Rating: 4/5 Author: George Muncaster Subject: Funny
- Sometimes my mind wanders; other times it leaves completely.Rating: 5/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- There is nothing so annoying as having two people talking when you're busy interrupting.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.Rating: 0/5 Author: Andy Rooney Subject: Funny
- You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.Rating: 4/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code...he turned himself in.Rating: 0/5 Author: Rita Rudner Subject: Funny
- Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.Rating: 0/5 Author: George Bernard Shaw Subject: Death
- Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?Rating: 1/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I say, are you going to drink that?Rating: 0/5 Author: Lisa Claymen Subject: Funny
- As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...Rating: 0/5 Author: Sir Norman Wisdom Subject: Funny
- No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all.Rating: 5/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a strangerRating: 4/5 Author: Franklin P. Jones Subject: Funny
- My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night saying, 'Well that taught me a lesson'.Rating: 5/5 Author: Ken Dodd Subject: Funny
- In Los Angeles they don't throw out their garbage away. They make it into television shows.Rating: 2/5 Author: Woody Allen Subject: Funny
- Until I was thirteen I thought my name was 'Shutup'.Rating: 5/5 Author: Joe Namath Subject: Funny
- If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think it's their fault.Rating: 0/5 Author: Henry Kissinger Subject: Funny
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