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Cool Funny Quotes
Resource for Cool Funny Quotes with Searchable quotes, Sayings by Subject, Authors, quotes screensavers, quotes wallpapers and forum. Continue for our current list of the Cool Funny Quotes
Cool Funny Quotes
- I shot an elephant in my pajamas. What he was doing in my pajamas, I'll never know.Rating: 1/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.Rating: 4/5 Author: Henny Youngman Subject: Funny
- Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.Rating: 0/5 Author: George Bernard Shaw Subject: Death
- I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.Rating: 0/5 Author: Bob Monkhouse Subject: Funny
- I was sued by a woman who claimed that she became pregnant because she watched me on television and I bent her contraceptive coil. Rating: 5/5 Author: Uri Geller Subject: Funny
- The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- Always look on the bright side of things, because you can't see a damn thing when its dark.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad.Rating: 4/5 Author: Helen Hayes Subject: Funny
- Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.Rating: 0/5 Author: George Burns Subject: Funny
- Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison.Rating: 0/5 Author: Evelyn Waugh Subject: Funny
- Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.Rating: 2/5 Author: Ken Dodd Subject: Funny
- Never test the depth of the water with both feet.Rating: 5/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- It's funny how dogs and cats know the inside of folks better than other folks do, isn't it?Rating: 0/5 Author: Eleanor H. Porter Subject: Pets
- What's a geriatric? A german footballer scoring three goalsRating: 0/5 Author: Bob Monkhouse Subject: Funny
- The number-one fear in life is public speaking, and the number-two fear is death. This means that if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than giving the eulogy.Rating: 0/5 Author: Jerry Seinfeld Subject: Funny
- There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.Rating: 0/5 Author: David Bissonnette Subject: Funny
- In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.Rating: 0/5 Author: Erma Bombeck Subject: Funny
- My feelings for you no words can tell, Except for maybe "Go to hell."Rating: 4/5 Author: A. A. Attanasio Subject: Funny
- Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.Rating: 4/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.Rating: 3/5 Author: Oscar Wilde Subject: Funny
- You know you're old when the candles cost more than the cake.Rating: 0/5 Author: Unknown Subject: Funny
- That is the best -- to laugh with someone because you think the same things are funny.Rating: 4/5 Author: Gloria Vanderbilt Subject: Laughter
- As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...Rating: 0/5 Author: Sir Norman Wisdom Subject: Funny
- When you marry your mistress, you create a job vacancy.Rating: 0/5 Author: James Goldsmith Subject: Funny
- Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours.Rating: 4/5 Author: Mark Twain Subject: Time
- A man in love is incomplete until he has married, then he is finished.Rating: 3/5 Author: Zsa Zsa Gabor Subject: Funny
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